


Click 2: Now with Klarg

by robinauts



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, i sure hope you watched that one gameplay overview!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 03:33:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8561959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinauts/pseuds/robinauts
Summary: Look at this place! It's so horny, and the sand is so, so desolate, like a dry sandwich, without mayo-naisse.





	

**Author's Note:**

> if you haven't watched [this gameplay overview](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VZWaIuJbMqM&t=1392s) go do that right now so 1. i don't spoil you 2. you can truly live 3. this makes any amount of sense
> 
> this is copied exactly from the final version of the mcelroys' novella. it stars taako as our protagonist. please imagine his voice narrating this.

Look at this place! It's so horny, and the sand is so, so desolate, like a dry sandwich, without mayo-naisse.

Their library is full of DVDs of Click, starring fantasy Adam Sandler, who is my favorite dramatic actor. I like Click because it shows off Adam's dramatic acting talents. It's all just copies of Click and more copies of Click, forever. I think this is where they print the Click DVD.

The sculptures were giant fantasy PlayStation Move gauntlets. This fanfiction is brought to you by fantasy PlayStation Move. Please, please buy fantasy PlayStation Move. We have that game where you're a handsome bounty hunter skeleton guy? So, there's one game. Why even make the fantasy PlayStation Move? What were we even thinking? Christ.

The "moon" was in terrible condition. Hardly good, and the jellyfish leaked some plot-heavy stuff.

The inspirational posters were so kitchy, and there were hardly enough bathrooms. I looked for a bathroom for a long time, and then I met a beautiful teenage bugbear/butler. His name was Klarg.

What is this, love? Do I love a bugbear? How is that possible, I am half Tex, half Mex. Whoa.

I'm writing here on this blue wall to note that this looks like a weird orange face, or perhaps the concept of grinding. God, I miss Klarg. I miss his smell, I miss his morning-time smile. I miss the way his fur would get caught in my mouth. From kissing him. Hard.

There was never any doubt that our parent (who is our party's cleric) was also Klarg's parent. (Twist?!?!?!?!?!) And the DM pointed out the special fantasy/sci-fi fusion arc that could bring old NPCs back to relevance, and said, "Foreshadowing. Dig it."

Klarg died today. I turned him into a beautiful, ethically-dubious charmed person. I left a hole where I could stuff in oolong tea, JIC. I wish there was some way we could be reunited. Do I too, must die?

I hurled myself into the transmutation relic arc - the "Crystal Kingdom," if you will. Don't worry, I had his free will, which I exhummmed from his reappearance in Petal to the Metal. I waited for Klarg to spring back to importance, but it turned out that the Crystal Kingdom was just a door to the deeper plot stuff and all it had to do with Klarg was explain his backstory. The guy who hinted that our party has pasts we don't yet fully know was real cute, though - like, super handsome face, just ambiguously British enough, and his name was Kravitz, and that's like, the sexiest name. We took turns tying each other up with sex-tentacles? We did it all day, and then kept reliving that day with a magic remote control that we got from Garfield the Deals Warlock at Fantasy Costco. But - ooops! I fast-forwarded too much, and I missed my boy detective growing up. And then, on my death bed, Garfield came to me, like an angel. He did nothing. He watched as I died. And Now, wrestler Klarg and I can be together, forever, at last, in the live show.

 

**Author's Note:**

> directed by [rob flovvright ](https://www.flovvright.tumblr.com)(come say hi), and fully intended by justin & griffin mcelroy


End file.
